My Butterfly's Journey

            Change can be terrifying. Change can be liberating. But above all change can be magical. Over the past six months, my life has done a one-eighty. Even in the past month, a lot has changed. Not only have a discovered my career goals and purpose, but I have prospected a number of hobbies and have found my passion. Ever since I was a young teenager, I have always explored yoga as a way to gain strength and flexibility for ballet. Throughout my recovery, I found that yoga was not only treatment team approved, but an idea of allowing my body to heal and my body work for me not against me. Now I realize that yoga has been around for hundreds of thousands of years. As well as, everyone and their brother have written about yoga. Trust me I understand that reading all about yoga is getting old. But this post is NOT about yoga and why you should or should not practice. This is about what the community and lifestyle have chang...

Preface This is my story. This day four years ago my innocence was stolen, my heart was shattered into more pieces than I can explain and my perspective on life had changed. Four years ago my friends and family were living a nightmare that we never would have thought would have happened in our home. But sitting here today, we reflect, we embrace our loved ones, and we recall what it means to be strong. I had always thought of a person to have emotional and mental perseverance was that they did not shed a tear that they did not show emotion. I was wrong. Strength is not hiding weakness but reveling them and allowing your feelings to happen. That day, that week, that year I saw the people in my life that I had always looked up to for strength look at me for tenacity. Four years ago I wrote my story. I had not intended to share it. I did not think my account was “dramatic” enough. Now I know, it does not matter where I was, but rather who then and whom I have turned into. L...

What is the real definition of fine? Is fine saying that one is good and don't worry or that one is hurting but does not know how to speak up? For me it was the latter, when I fell into a deep depression and was not eating what I knew I needed to, I hid it. Not only was I ashamed but I was confused. Growing up I had always been a princess in my own little perfect world. I did not know that there were people in the world that wanted to hurt others. Yes, I do remember 9/11, yes I did know that there were “bad” people, but I thought I was protected from them. I thought I would never have encountered pain as much as I did. I never thought I would look behind me everywhere I went. I do not believe any child thinks about being hurt. But I know too well that the world is not perfect in any sense of the word. I grew up in the world of school shootings, terror attacks, and other mass killings. I do not remember Columbine, but I do remember having to do lockdown drills all the time. My...

Oh, thanksgiving. Before I got sick, I loved thanksgiving, the green beans, turkey dressing everything. From the baking and helping my momma in the kitchen to making the table as beautiful as I could I felt on top of the world.             Then I got sick. Then I had to face my worst nightmare; a plate filled to the edges family gathered around me feeling as though all the eyes were on me. They were not.  When Thanksgiving arrived that year, I thought no one knew no one other than my boyfriend. I felt that no one noticed that I am disappearing before their eyes. I hated it. The worst feeling in the world is one where you have your biggest fear in front of you and having to deal with it, cover it up, stay strong, yet wanting to run away.             Last Thanksgiving, the thanksgiving after treatment, from what I can remember I was okay. In the relative ...

Monday, November 20 th , 2017 Hello all!             I have been reticent in the last year or so because of the ever-changing world around me. Since the last time I have posted I lost jobs gotten new jobs, changed careers, went back to school and have moved twice. Gosh, I am tired of even thinking about everything that I have changed. I am now a stay at home nanny which although is the best job in the world I get quite bored. I am getting my degree in elementary education and special needs. I cannot wait to get my career started and make a difference in this world of ours. I am now a full-blown adult living with my wonderful boyfriend and dog-son. But most importantly I have stayed in recovery. I have had significant slips where my treatment team was about to put me back into treatment. I am so scared and angry. Angry at myself. I had been down that road once and not only did I not have the means to go back I did not want t...