Recovery Life

Monday, November 20th, 2017

Hello all!

            I have been reticent in the last year or so because of the ever-changing world around me. Since the last time I have posted I lost jobs gotten new jobs, changed careers, went back to school and have moved twice. Gosh, I am tired of even thinking about everything that I have changed. I am now a stay at home nanny which although is the best job in the world I get quite bored. I am getting my degree in elementary education and special needs. I cannot wait to get my career started and make a difference in this world of ours. I am now a full-blown adult living with my wonderful boyfriend and dog-son. But most importantly I have stayed in recovery. I have had significant slips where my treatment team was about to put me back into treatment. I am so scared and angry. Angry at myself. I had been down that road once and not only did I not have the means to go back I did not want to. I had started my life I was a preschool teacher. I took a step away from myself and asked" why am I doing this? I know what it is like to be sick and it is not worth everything. My life is worth everything, not some illness that will end o\up killing me if I did not do anything about it. So as much as I hated it and my wallet hated it, I increased my meal plan. I drank the ensure religiously. And even though it was nasty and unpleasant feeling; I did it, and I stayed out of treatment. I pushed through it and now when I have those little slips I stop and think is this one meal this one snack worth it? Is it worth me losing my life? Or can I conquer this silly voice in my head and eat whatever is in front of me so that I can be able to be around and continue living to my full potential.

            So I am truly blessed to say that I have been behavior free three months. Recovery is not easy it is the hardest thing I have done. While in treatment everyone told me the recovery was a roller-coaster.  I didn’t believe them I thought I was better than that. That I was just anyone that I wasn’t going to go back. But I was the wrong recovery does have the best highs( like having to buy in clothes cause your high school clothes no longer fit) and the lowest lows( thinking that I messed everything up and I should just stop trying).

 Last night I went to an Eating disorder foundation(EDF) meeting, and it had such grand effect on me. I am sitting there listening to these remarkable women and reflect on myself and my recovery. And one of the women said that during her first two years she was going through the motions, eating what she needed to eat and doing what she needed to do. I started to question am I living my full recovery life or going through the motions and what does living a recovery life mean. Is it that you immerse your self in books and charge your whole life and move on or is it that you find your values and define your goals and find how to fit recovery into your pre-existing life?

 I think living a recovery life is a mix of the two. But how do you mix them without either obsessing over pro-recovery blogs and books and not listening to your self-talk? What do you all think?

What does living a recovery focused life means? How do you find balance with recovering from an illness or addiction?


"I believe that the purpose of life is to find Happiness" Dali Lama.


Melissa

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